The task at hand.

A year ago for my birthday my friend Carolyn took me to this neighborhood in Chicago-- not even a neighborhood, more like three blocks on a particular street-- which is filled with grocers, restaurants, sari shops, all sorts of businesses owned and operated by citizens of Indian and Pakistani descent. Carolyn had a fine time browsing the grocery stores and this one bakery featuring both gulab jamun and a boy of about nine running the cash register. The main draw for me however was of course the video stores. There had to be at least seven or eight of these places up and down this three block radius, not to mention all the other shops selling tons of CD's of Bolly soundtracks. I dropped about $200 that day. Nine DVD's and four CD's. (I looked it up; thanks MySpace blog.)

This past April, despite the fact I'd been jobless for six months I decided to treat myself with part of my tax return and take advantage of a sale Yash Raj Films was running for just such an occasion. Seven more DVD's.

As of today, out of the sixteen Bollywood DVD's I've purchased in the past twelve months I've watched four. You can see why this page hasn't gotten the attention and effort I originally saw myself putting into it.

There's a few reasons I could point to for not having been on the ball in all that time. One was that for most it I was out of work, out of money and depressed as hell. Doing anything at all felt like a chore. The other, and this is probably the one that really matters, is that more often than not I simply don't have the attention span to sit and watch a three hour movie. I fast forward through porn for god's sake. Not even just the talking scenes, I mean the important bits too. I mean, I love Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, but it's four hours long. That's not a movie. That's an evening. And then to sit down and write about my thoughts on what I just watched and try to make sense of this other culture through my own eyes, suffice to say I think my editorial output around here is proof of how often I can muster that kind of willpower.

Point is, I want to try and get back on track. I've got a new job (which I despise, but guess what? You can learn all about that here). My mood's elevated a bit from having money and food in the house again. So to celebrate I want to buy some new movies, but I've made a solemn vow not to do so until I've watched everything I own now. This past weekend I finally watched one of the films I bought in Chicago so long ago. It's called Devdas, it's excellent (imagine Romeo and Juliet meets Leaving Las Vegas), and I hope to write more about it in the near future. In the meantime, this is what I still need to get through:

Baazigar (1993)
Black (2005) - Rented this once, the disc was wrecked and I got half an hour in when it crapped out. Lame. I was digging the movie too.
Bunty Aur Babli (2005) - This one I fell asleep halfway through. Do-over needed.
Dil To Pagal Hai (1997)
Duplicate (1998)
Fanaa (2006)
The Great Gambler (1979)
The Inner/Outer World of Shahrukh Khan (2005) - Screw you, IMDB.
Karan Arjun (1995) - I graduated from high school that year. But I'm not old.
Mujhse Dosti Karoge! (2002)
Umrao Jaan (2006)

It's funny, I'm re-reading the plots on some of these and I can honestly say if the same story were done in Hollywood I probably wouldn't even give it a second glance. I'm still at the point where I'm buying based almost solely on name recognition. Every one of those films has either Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherjee (which I do believe is Hindi for absolutely freaking adorable), Amitabh Bachchan, or some combination thereof, except for Umrao Jaan, which has Amitabh's son Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwayra Rai, whose name I knew even before I started watching Bollywood films. Though to be fair, I knew her more commonly as "that insanely hot chick from India."

So yeah, I've got some sitting on the couch to do. Heavy is my burden, amirite? Here's to catching up on something I love and maybe, just maybe, the blog I keep about it too.



PS: On a completely unrelated note, I've had "Gigantic" by Pixies on a loop for the past thirty minutes or so. Song came out twenty years ago and it still crushes 99% of anything you put it up against. Also, I would have a lot of sex with Kim Deal. Just saying.

The man who should make us all break out in song and dance.

To rescue us, or me at least, from the insanity making its way out of the Twin Cities over the past three days.



Obama and Bollywood. Chocolate and peanut butter. Old Bay and potato wedges. Large breasted Japanese women and tiny bikini tops. Some combinations just work.

Sad but true side note: There are comments on the YouTube page that point to this video as proof Obama is a "secret Muslim." I'm guessing these are the same people who think the ability to field dress a moose makes you uniquely qualified to be vice-president.

Stan Smith...in and as...DON.

I caught a rerun of 'American Dad' tonight where they send up Bond movies, and while I enjoyed the whole episode my favorite part would most definitely have to have been the opening credits. Why? Check it out-- skip to about the 1:30 mark.



Now, see if anything sounds familiar.



How frigging sweet is that?

Years ago, long before I'd ever seen a Bolly picture, I bought an album called Bombay The Hard Way, where producer Dan the Automator took tracks from some of the classic Bollywood films of the late 70's and remixed them into a homage to the cinema of "guns, cars, and sitars." One of the cool things about the album, now that I've had a chance to see some of the films they lifted music from, is to hear it and realize how little was actually changed, because so much of the music was just that funkadelic to begin with. "Theme from Don" is a prime example of what I'm talking about. I mean seriously, that's some Dolemite shit right there. Maybe even Superfly. Dig.

Allow me to geek out for a moment.

I know, I'm horrible about keeping this up to date. Sue me.

I really have no reason for posting this other than I watched it, thought it kicked ass and wanted to share it: A music video for U2's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" (already one of my favorites by them) set to scenes from Shahrukh Khan's revamp of the 1978 film Don. As the Beastie Boys said, ch-ch-check it out.



First of all, this is just friggin' sweet in its own right. In fact I'd say it does a better job of selling the movie than the actual theatrical trailers. But what's even cooler to me is that was done by YouTuber 'lallilly84,' a twenty-four year old woman living in Germany who's a big SRK fan herself.

Earlier today, I read some remark from a jackass on Ain't It Cool News asking if anyone even watched Bollywood -- "who do they think their target demographic is?" Well, besides one-sixth of the world's population right off the bat, here you've got a guy in Wisconsin commenting on a video made by a woman in Germany enamored with one of Bollywood's biggest stars. So yeah, I think you can safely say they've got a global market. Nice to have some real affirmation that this champ has his head firmly up his ass.


Edit, 8/27/08: God I hate YouTube sometimes. Updated with fixed links. Now watch Shahrukh and Aishwarya Rai tear it up to some Elvis. I have both these on my iPod now so I can watch them whenever. Yep. I'm that big a nerd for this stuff.

It's a sign.

No sooner did I finish my last post than my weather radio flipped on and the local tornado warning sirens started blaring. I feel like I should take it as a hint, but I don't know if the hint is supposed to be that my writing will bring about natural disasters, or that the fact I finally did something with this page for the first time in six months was literally such a cause for alarm warning bells had to go off.

Hmm. After reading this back to myself it appears that no matter which option I go with, I come off as having an inflated sense of self-worth either way.

"Benny": Not Bolly.

Wow. It's been...awhile. Sorry about that.



Warning: Bit of a rant ahead.

I thought maybe this had finally fallen off the radar, but after seeing a link to it for the hundredth time this morning I wanted to throw my two cents in about the infamous "Benny Lava" video that's been making its way around the glorious series of tubes we call the internet. On the off chance you're one of the five people who still hasn't seen this clip, have a taste of the loony bun.



Everywhere I turn, whether it's this one, the guy sliding his horse under a truck, or the other guy making his tractor do a bunny hop over his enemies, I see comments like "lol awesome" or "what are they putting in the curry over there," which is all right I suppose, but I also see ones sniping about how "weird" Bollywood is, followed by more comments wanting to know "who watches this crap" and "why are they always singing" and "I heard this movie had an astronomical budget of $40" and then I become slightly cross-eyed because THAT ISN'T F**KING BOLLYWOOD.

Let me say it again for the cheap seats.

JUST BECAUSE A MOVIE WAS MADE IN INDIA, THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT A BOLLYWOOD FILM.

Okay? Good.

Allow me to elaborate. Take for example our boy Benny up there. Benny is in actuality Prabhu Deva, who according to his Wiki entry is known as "India's Michael Jackson" thanks to his flashy dance moves. For his sake, I sincerely hope that's the only trait he's borrowed. (By the way, in case you wanted to hit up iTunes later the actual title of the song is "Kalluri Vaanil.") Prabhu is a star in what's known as Kollywood, one of the other centers of the larger Indian film industry. Just as Bollywood is a combination of "Bombay" and "Hollywood," Kollywood movies are produced mainly in a place called Kodambakkam and filmed in the Tamil language, as opposed to the Hindi used in Bollywood films. The other two clips I linked to above are from Tollywood, the Telugu variant. To put a more Anglo spin on it, while a movie made in Scotland and a movie made in England could technically both be called British films, you'd know the difference between Trainspotting and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels if you saw them.

So, now that we know what isn't Bollywood let's take a look at something that most definitely is. In fact, it's one of my favorites-- "Yeh Ladka Hai Allah" from Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham.



You notice it, right? Different style of singing, different style of dancing, the way it's filmed, the way it's edited...we're talking night and day here. These are clearly two separate entities. If you prefer though, we can also go with something a little more contemporary.



This is "Ticket to Hollywood," from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. In terms of theme and style it's at least somewhat closer in spirit to "Benny" than "Yeh Ladka," but still, as far as execution goes it's a pretty sharp contrast. (Speaking of pretty sharp, Lara Dutta...Jesus. She falls under that category of woman I like to refer to as "insanely freaking hot.")

I'm not saying every Bollywood film looks like these two; I've got some titles from the 90's that I would generously call "rough around the edges." And I'm not trying to knock Kolly- or Tollywood either, because if I knew where that tractor jumping scene came from I'd consider it a moral obligation to scour eBay for a copy. My point is that rolling out these cheesy clips from low budget productions as if they're the standard for Bollywood or even Indian films in general is like saying the best we can do is Bratz: The Movie or one of those schlock disaster flicks Sci-Fi plays every Saturday (all of which star Costas Mandylor for some reason- gotta be the name). Anyway, just something that kind of irks me and I felt like hopping up on the soapbox for a minute. Thanks for playing along at home.

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